Happy new year!

As I write, millions of people are poisoning themselves in honour of the new calendar. There is something remarkable about this annual time of reflection, where we look back and wonder at what might have been, where mistakes have been made, and the things we're going to put right next year (or does that happen in January?). After all, have we made a success of it?

Success is an unusual thing to crave. All those people busy drinking themsleves stupid, perhaps wondering why oh why was their prayer unanswered, their dreams dashed, their hopes unfulfiled, attach importance to New Year as a empirical milestone that they can measure up against, like a parent scoring a notch in a post, to mark the growing height of their young child.

And we always seem to fall short of it! Whether our single reaches Christmas number one, or we're invited to a party, Success appears aloof, beyond the end of our fingertips.

As a mere expression of causality, Success simply means that you arrived at a certain effect; the more successful a person, normally it is the case that the less he understood of the necessary steps in order to achieve it; it is only the culmination of a great many steps, which when considered as a whole, that deserve the label of Success. Yet these steps may form the sum total of what forms and shapes a character over many years, and are dependent on unnumerable things.

"It takes 20 years to make an overnight success."
-- Eddie Cantor

As a relative measure, Success only holds value, paradoxically, when it delivers something usually unattainable or difficult. To say I will be successful in writing this blog won't win me any awards, nor would following a recipie correctly earn an O.B.E. for my endeavours in cooking. Therefore, we can only describe ourselves as a success, when our achievements exceed expectation, are truly remarkable when considered next to the achievements of others.

These achievements can be looked upon in differing ways, which create or destroy their value. I could say that my five hundred visitors a month is an achievement; or its a paltry insignificance next to some corporate website. Finding value in worthless achievements, and inflating the gains in modest ones, are inevitable and equally defeating.

However, these relative quantities are nearly always unattainable, which is why we feel so miserable when we fall short of them. Will a salary ever be high enough? Look at the public servants who pay themselves hundreds of thousands of pounds, or the bankers who pay themselves millions. Is it enough for them? Can you ever have enough friends, or be invited to enough parties, or accept enough peerages, or go on enough holidays?

All of this is explained clearly by the excellent Schopenhaur, in which he explains that in place of what we have and the estimation placed on us by others, that

The first and most essential element in our life’s happiness is what we are,—our personality, if for no other reason than that it is a constant factor coming into play under all circumstances: besides, unlike the blessings which are described under the other two heads [money and esteem of others], it is not the sport of destiny and cannot be wrested from us;—and, so far, it is endowed with an absolute value in contrast to the merely relative worth of the other two.

I sometimes feel that I would be a success if:

• I had more visitors to my site each month
• I had more songs finished
• I started touring

These goals, while desirable, are not completely in my power to cause; and are insatiable. If next month, I get ten thousand visitors, I would then hope for twenty thousand, But with persistence these goals will one-day occur as the result of other changes that I can make, and will make in the coming year.

FIrst of all, I am currently working on ways to improve this website. I was inspired by the work I did to post "what I am currently listening to" on the top-right corner of the blog (when I am actually listening to something), to work on a web-based music player that has a social dimension, a bit like blip.fm but with a more passive emphasis that accomodates listening to music from trusted or interesting sources. I can work on this, and the improvements will ultimately lead to more visitors.

I've also recognised that I need to be more focussed on my music, in creating a new project that people can become involved in. For far too long, I spent time trying to find a fit to a mold, rather than having the confidence to write new material around a new singer and hopefully adapt the old material if possible. This process has been difficult, but a journey I had to take.

In its stead, I have an idea of finding myself some place in the Capital, where I can record some artists whom I have met over recent months, along with artists I am yet to meet, and have a kind of jam session or song crafting time which we can capture, possibly on film, and help promote ourselves in the process. A bit like Little Boot's weekly videos, or On the Balcony TV. If you are interested in this, or can help or advise me in anyway, please leave me a comment or get in touch.

Once these are in place, the gigging and touring will follow on naturally... I'm impatient to get back gigging again, but I think that the timing is essential.

Was 2009 a success? Its was a neccessary step on the journey. I hope 2010 will bring you success, whatever you take success to mean. Happy new year!